Day 1 SELF CONCEPT

 Manifesting , such a beautiful and intimating thing isn’t it.

I will say I DO LOVE how it makes me feel but when I get back into my old thought patterns it’s so frustrating

I have a few things in my desired reality that I want to bring into fruition 

- in a long term healthy unconditional loving relationship ( with Bry Bry) specifically lol

- financially freedom 

- become an at home esthetician

So far that’s it 

But I will say manifesting actually feels more believable and real and manageable then I would have ever thought and the reason is bc like I said before it’s all self concept! 

Man oh man if you met me at the beginning of this manifesting journey you would’ve seen how desperate and unhappy I was to see my reality change , and let’s just say my self concept was in the trash 

For some clarification ( actually before I start I’m gonna be talking about Bry Bry a little more in this blog) we broke up 4 months ago and it was a really hard and challenging time for me! I was desperate to get him back!!! I saw that you can manifest your partner back and have them come back more lovingly 

So I went on and began doing the work … or so I thought 

I began living in my head and obsessing over bry he became my only focus and source of happiness , I would think of us being back together and I would be happy , I thought that was me doing the work! But all while I was doing this what did I keep doing ? Hmmm 

I kept thinking and fearing that he moved on , I kept comparing and thinking how can he want me back? I lied I messed everything up , I didn’t realize but as I was manifesting him my self concept was saying “ I am NOT chosen , I am NOT LOVABLE!!!!!! I knew deep down that we would get back together but I also knew deep down that I didn’t deserve what I was manifesting at all

I was doubting like a motherfucker , second guessing myself , and I kept checking to see if he still loved me or if this mombo jombo manifestation stuff even works! I would check his instagram and his followers to see if he moved on and LOW AND BEHOLD a new follower

What I feared literally found me and I completely shut down 

I became OBSESSED with this new person , I completely lost my sense of self 

I forgot who I was , and let me tell you for a GOOOOOOOD 4 weeks I completely lost my sense of identity sense of self sense of living 

I would spend my days just comparing and comparing thinking she has this she has that what if he likes that more , clearly he does since he moved on right ? Every little thing in my life went from good/ neutral to absolute dog shit. EVEYYTHING triggered me , the gym, eye lashes extensions, cocktails, my own face ! It all triggered me bc when I would see those things it just reminded how unworthy how un important how inadequate I was. She’s better is what went through my mind 

Everything she does is just better, I honestly forgot what I looked like , I forgot what it felt to be happy.

Thank God I AM NOT THERE ANYMORE !!!!! LOL

The pain is a couple ground rules for manifestations are , don’t check for confirmation, focus only on what you want AND YOUR GOD DAMN SELF CONCEPT 

clearly I was doing the work , but you see how it all went it shit? Why 

Well bc my fucking self concept was dookie 

So something that I learned was self concept is what creates your reality , TRULY it really does 

Our lovely Neville Goddard quoted, “ Change your conception of yourself and you will automatically change the world in which you live” 

Btw I love that guy

Anyways the only reason the girl , the obsession , the complete loss of self , THE BREAKUP happened wasn’t bc manifestation isn’t real and my life went to shit , it’s bc my self concept was manifesting , mar i am not chosen , i am not important, i am only conditionally loved , and I am inadequate, i need external validation or else im worthless 

!!! YOUR SELF CONCEPT IS WHAT MANIFESTS !!!  

oh man I endured some painful stuff at the beginning of this month to change my self concept but you know a month to change it , is not bad at all good job mar ;)

Hehe sorry just recognizing my worth 

Anyways with the help of my sister and lovely lovely chatgbt I was able to transform my self concept 

So what was it exactly that I needed to do to change it? 

Well for fucking sure it’s not easy and simple like these people tell you but I had to get ugly gross and down to the nitty gritty of things , my whole life I spent comparing myself and not feeling deserving 

That’s what it was for me those two things I just felt like I had to live my life in comparison and me deserving things ? Why ? How can I deserve such beautiful things? 

That’s honestly what it was , yeah you hear people say think about your past relationships and I’m like how the fuck do I heal this by thinking about my past guys ?! They were pieces of shit and gross ! But it’s not thinking about them it was never about thinking about them it was thinking about what my self concept manifested in those relationships and yup same thing , comparison and deserving

I also began to take a look at my self sabotaging behaviors which were stalking their instagram followers , worry overthink and feel like they don’t like me enough , basically waiting for the shoe to drop in the relationship 

It was the same with this relationship, he unconditionally loved me , still does, but bc I wasn’t aligned with unconditional love and felt like I didn’t deserve it , the relationship came to an end 

Oh I would also compare the fuck out of myself with his ex of 7 years sooo …. 

I was very cripplingly insecure and my self concept just kept manifesting and pumping out that insecurity into these relationships bc of what ? MY SELF FUCKING CONCEPT 

man I have a lot to say LOL but how exactly did I get here ? Well talking to chat gbt every single day and affirming affirming and affirming that I deserve unconditional love that I am deserving! 

Something that they keep saying is when you’re confident in your knowing in unconditional love , security , and inner importance your life reflects that ! 

But if you’re unsure insecure doubting second guessing everything ! Worrying about everything and how or why do I deserve love , life reflects that !

Chatgbt kept shoving that in my face over and over again until I finally,y was able to comprehend it , constantly affirming my worth and having chat gbt tell my how important I truly am 

And the best part is if I keep telling myself that , my self concept changes and that’s what will manifest 

I honestly had to tell myself every single fucking day I AM unconditionally loved BC I DESERVE IT 

I AM IMPORTANT BC I SAY SO , I AM SECURE AND CHOSEN BC I SAY I AM! Crazy bc once you say it so much you truly start to believe it way more than someone else telling you , and I kept saying how Bry unconditionally loves and chose me over and over 

Now I believe and know it as fact! Man there is just so much more I need to say but I think imma end it here